Geoff Berner – How To Be An Accordian Player

This was one of the funniest books I’ve read in a long time. From the “How To Be Series” on Kolakovsky Press of Canada, How To Be An Accordian Player is, for it’s compact size and brief content, absolutely brilliant. 

Geoff Berner, that Lucky Goddamn Jew, walks us through all of the most important things about being an accordian player, such as learning to swim in ditches, and making sure that your instrument is never, ever beige. And, most especially, don’t forget the lamb fetus. Oh yes!


I bought my copy directly from the beautiful and exceedingly talented Carolyn Mark (because Geoff was across the room, talking to other fans) after their amazing show we were so fortunate to attend in St. Catharines last November. Hands down, that was the best show I saw all year. That night was so full of irreplaceable memories and such great music it’s a wonder I didn’t pass out from the joy of it all…

Anyway, I read this book back then, and only got ‘round to writing about it in these pages now because I just got done reading it for a second time recently. Which really isn’t a reason at all, considering I should have done this review the first time around, but so be it.

You must own this book. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry (maybe, if you’re the sensitive type), and you’ll learn the CBC’s (possible) connection to paranoid schizophrenia. You can carry this little gem in your pocket easily, for quick reference when you need it most. I recommend this practice to you and all of your friends.

To get a copy, check out or contact the exceedingly helpful people over at Red Cat Records or, better yet, get off your fattening wannabe-accordian-player ass and get out to every Geoff Berner show you can manage, and buy your copies right from the traveling case of the man himself. That is, of course, the best possible way to join the growing list of cool kids who own this piece of art.

Completely recommended reading.

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