Posted by keepsmealive
I’ve already emailed several of you about this, but it bothered me so much I had to make it a post here so that all of our Beautiful Constant KMA Readers can be in on this story.
Craig Ferguson is ending his late night show soon, which is none too soon because we watched his monologue and sketches and none of it was funny. At all. That stupid skeleton robot, the stupid horse, the lame jokes… it’s looong over. Anyway, I suppose he thought he was gonna go out with a bang by having Metallica as guests for an entire week. It’s also great promo for their 10th anniversary re-release of (one of) the most painfully bad rock documentaries ever, Some Kind Of Monster. Also, in 2015, the band will begin re-releasing all of their albums, because everyone sells out and does that at some point, it seems. As if anyone needs to re-buy their Metallica albums. Just because. Oh, and here’s a couple of b-sides that were left off the albums for good reason. Thanks a fucking bunch, guys.
I will not provide youtube links to this TV show thing, you can go find it yourself – but please consider reading the rest of this post before you do so. And if, after reading this, you still choose to look it up, I consider you forewarned and on your own recognizance. I’ve done what I can.
First off, don’t even watch the monologue or interview. As I said, it’s really bad. And not funny. Save your non-refundable lifetime for something important, like clipping your toenails. I type this here as a public service. You may thank me later.
As for the music clips… well. We all know those guys, the ones who have a garage band and they’d quit their cubicle jobs in a minute if their band ever got a gig and got noticed and got a record deal (a deal which would screw them over forever and make their lives hell, but shhh they’re special snowflakes, don’t tell them that part).
Well, Metallica (I love them still) sounds like that garage band on this show. They sound like a hairy, unwashed group ensconced in Mom’s garage, bashing out For Whom The Bell Tolls because A) they can, and B) they have big dreams of success and fame and fortune and knowing how to cover these songs might (they mistakenly believe) give them cultural cache. They do NOT sound like the band that wrote the fucking song!
Actually, they sound like they’re struggling. Lars is doing pointless fills, half-assing it in every song, and still not keeping consistent time, I swear it. Kirk is in love with his pedals to cover the fact that he’s phoning it in, and the volume on his guitar was far too low. And James’ vocals are gone. Not even struggling, they’re just gone. The only one holding up his end of his deal is Rob Trujillo. In fact, he was carrying them, here.
I dunno, watch it and you might diagree. Fair play to you. But don’t let your blind allegiance to this band, er, blind you to the truth. This was so bad. Honestly, I found this to be just awful. And maybe it was bad sound because it’s a late night TV show studio, not Madison Square Garden. Maybe they were tired. Maybe being sober this long has sucked all the verve out of them. Maybe they didn’t rehearse at all because who give a shit about a string of late night TV show appearances?
Or maybe they’ve hit their sell-by date. Maybe doing this into their 50s is showing that it’s over? We don’t want it to be true, but come on. This music is for young players. I dunno, I haven’t been following them too closely the last couple of years. Have any of you had recent news about shows, sound issues, James’ voice, general band suckage?
This wasn’t my Metallica. Not even fucking close. This was amateur hour.