Milli Vanilli – Girl You Know It’s True
Milli Vanilli. When I was a kid, I liked this. I actually did! I had the cassette! Somewhere even now, in my house, I have two of their cassette singles. Why? I have no idea.
Lacking the actual album, I went to the Tubes Of You to hear it and there wasn’t even a full album post there. i had to piece it together from separate videos and the album track list from Wiki. Which, in all honesty, was way more work than this shite deserved.
The title track is that catchy nonsense track (you know it) that was great then, but is really terrible now. And watching them do that dance… and then the idiot tries to do the splits… I oughta shut this off now. But no, I am challenged by Deke, so onward.
But first, an ad for doing fecal occult blood test to rule out colorectal cancer. It was more interesting than the stop-start garbage that is Baby Don’t Forget My Number. Again with the dancing (haha who told these guys they could? So bad). And the “bababa baa babababababa baaaa” part. They lip-synched it with dead eyes and, throughout the video, obvious thoughts of “at least the money is good” plain on their faces. I cannot unsee this.
More Than You’ll Ever Know is so bad, I deserve some sort of reward for sitting through the whole fucking thing. Oh please, I have seven more tracks to go! Blame It On The Rain you’ll remember, I’m sure. My most enduring memory of this was a guy in high school, named Dwayne, singing “Blame It On Dw-ayne!” whenever he thought it was funny. Take It As It Comes sounds like some other shite 80s band I can’t place because I can’t be bothered to care. So bad. How was this shit popular?
I clearly did not remember that these assholes had brutalized the Isley Brothers’ It’s Your Thing for their steaming pile of an album. I’m skipping this before I get mad. Next. Dreams To Remember is the slow slinky love song and I’m now eyeing that bottle and thinking there isn’t nearly enough left in it to tolerate the rest of this shit. Next.
All Or Nothing is… well, I’ll take the Nothing, thanks. I’m Gonna Miss You is another one you’ll know. It was big at the time but seriously, how did we like this shit? Shit shit shit. Oh, and as if your eyes aren’t crossed enough already, here’s Girl You Know It’s True again, only this time it’s a fucking extended version!
Remedial English class high school love note lyrics, brutally insipid and insidious synth-driven pop tart crap music, and those two friggin’ idiots jumping around and calling it “dancing.” I fantasized about being there, and knocking their heads together really hard, so they’d stop doing that… Oh, and a revoked Grammy and the largest selling album to ever be fully removed from circulation and deleted (including the masters) by its label because the assholes didn’t even sing on it.
Dear past self: You had TERRIBLE taste in music.
Dear Deke: If we ever meet, you owe me a pop for making me sit through this proof that humanity, ultimately, is screwed.