KMA Sunday Service Week 8

KMA Sunday Service 8

sunday sevice main picThank you for once again joining the congregation at our Sunday KMA Service, where we give thanks for that which Keeps Us Alive (that sweet, sweet music!!).

A really, really short week, this week, as I’ve been busy helping my folks move into their new home. I have just not had much time to be on the blogs, or to be jamming the tunes! However, of what little I did hear, I was fortunate to have access to nothing but quality releases. Brace yourselves, it’ll be a loving one, and a wild one. We hope you enjoy this week’s blathering from the pulpit!

Since I’ve not been in the saddle most of the time, let’s get right to what little was in my ears this week. I’m not even gonna blather at you about other crap. Go!

***

The Gratitude Of Gratitudes

I wanted to put this one first so that it doesn’t get completely overshadowed by another review (following). This one is far more important to me and, since this is my post, I’m gonna put this here.

Folks, I am an exceedingly lucky boy. I married the world’s most incredible and beautiful lady 12 years ago, this week (sorry for your luck, the rest of you, she married ME!), and we’re goin’ strong.

She rocks me.

And for the anniversary this year, even though we don’t really get anything for each other at this point, she gifted me a lovely copy of Stevie Wonder’s Signed, Sealed & Delivered. This song has been a part of our lives together since the beginning, it played at our wedding, and now the full album is here.

And how does it sound? Haha silly mortal, Stevie in 1970 is awesome. You knew this. The originals are truly fabulous and, hell, even the cover of the Beatles’ We Can Work It Out is awesome. He’s deliciously soulful, he’s vastly creative, and he’s insanely brilliant. I defy you to hear this and not instantly fall for the funky groove. I loved this.

Max Webster – A Million Vacations

I found this in a thrift shop in another town, for $3. I texted Mike and asked if it was any good. Not only did he answer in the affirmative, he said it was in his Top 15 On The 15th (I’d forgotten^)! He said it’s poppier than their other releases but he loves it completely. Buy with confidence! Folks, there’s no bigger recommendation.

I plugged it into the car stereo on the way home and what I heard of it blew me away. It was rock, proggy, and just damn great. Sadly, a huge rain storm on the way home obliterated visibility and demanded all of my attention for the rest of that trip. It wasn’t until I got home and tried again that I discovered the nooks and crannies of this record. If you’ve heard it, you know what I mean. If not, go get it. It’s really something.

I really do think this merits multiple listens. Maybe I shouldn’t even be posting this here, yet. Maybe my thoughts on it are unformed, I dunno. Maybe, with my attention elsewhere for most of this week, I didn’t really give this enough time to percolate and I’ve nothing intelligent to say about it. But in writing from my gut, I do know that it’s bloody brilliant. These are really well-crafted tunes and the musicianship is superlative. Hot damn!

^ In my defense, we’d seen 20+ Top 15 lists on that day, so there was no way I was gonna remember all of who said what!

Salvatore Accardo* – Paganini: Diabolus In Musica

If this is the devil in music, then I am going straight to hell because I enjoyed this very, very much. It’s light, nimble, and bloody gorgeous. The violin work here is boggling.

I fully intend to play this again, when I have more time.

Wow.

* with the London Philharmonic Orchestra, conducted by Charles Dutoit.

 

burning bridgesDrunk Review: Bon Jovi – Burning Bridges

So I realized it was Friday^^ and that’s a great night for drinking! Especially since I have spent most of the week helping my parents move from their home of 40 years and into a new place. Release! So I put it to the gang about albums for a possible Drunk Review, and Mike’s vote won simply because, and this is a true story, he begged me to do this (stopping just short of getting on his knees). I can’t ignore that.

And he voted for this latest Bon Jovi record, because I may be the only person Mike knows who hasn’t followed Bon Jovi in a loooong time (I stopped in the 80s, and even then wasn’t all that into it) and so I really have no perspective on them of any value. Which (full disclosure) isn’t the whole truth – one time, Mike gave me the album Bounce and I reviewed it somewhere in these pages. But otherwise, I haven’t heard anything from them in ages, so he’s convinced I will have an unfiltered opinion on it. He said most people who are in the know either love it or hate it, so what will a Bon Jovi non-fan think about it? Let’s getting fuckin’ drunk and find out!

NB: Here ends the sober portion of this review. For everything that follows, all bets are off.

First off this wine has given me the hiccups. It’d be funny if they didn’t suck so bad. Gah. Anyway. Man, it’s been a long time since I did this. I feel good. Nice warm glow, and that urge to write all sorts of crap in big waves regardless of whether it makes sense or not. I have found my cups, I am well into them (and a lovely red wine), and maybe I really am a drinker with a writing problem (thank you, Brendan Behan). Whatever, I am writing about this thing. I found it for free on the youtubes. Alright eyes on the prize here champ let’s fuckin’ give ‘er.

A Teardrop To The Sea starts off slow (with dumb “oh-oh-ohhhhs”) and just doesn’t stop sucking. It plods, it’s insipid and oh god please make him stop thinking he’s a poet. But interesting are the opening lnes, when he says “I got what I wanted, I paid every cost, I’d give it all back to get back what I lost.” Hmmm… If he’s looking back, he knows the flannel and the haircut were a bad idea. Right? Oh and now he’s the sensitive artiste in the vagaries of fame, used and abused oh dear. The poor man and his millions. I feel so bad for him. FUCK. OFF. This first track might be enough. I’m gonna press stop. I am!

Next! We Don’t Run (yeah but bro, do you even LIFT?) is the same song but sped up. I swear. But oh he’s “standing my ground,” he’s “a phoenix from the ashes…” What? What phoenix? This isn’t a rebirth. I am not lifted by this. It makes me feel icky, like it’s a pitch by a cliche salesman, not a manifesto. Anyone who drinks that kool-aid didn’t value their life in the first place, they are Darwin’s exceptions, so buh-bye.

Saturday Night Gave Me Sunday Morning is his best Springsteen impression (and failing miserably). Nothing in this song actually rouses me. No tingling here, no hard-on. This is just going-through-the-motions, almost-new-country soccer mom rock. Blech.

Now we slow it down a bit for more life-inspirational We All Fall Down. Oh ferfuckssakes. “Scrape my knees?” “Climb every mountain?” “Walk out on that wire?” Fuck off. Nasal JBJ as motivational speaker and master abuser of cliches. SKIP!

Blind Love is now scraping the bottom of the lyric barrel. Five songs in and he’s got nothing left. I picture a notepad with everything he’s already used scratched out, and this was all that’s left and it’s sad. Soft rock pap crap.

Who Would You Die For goes for ethereal spooky Leonard Cohen territory and falls way, way, waaaaaay short. This is the dick-swinger outside the party, the charlatan who can’t even get into the party where the real poets are, the master of the easy turn of phrase who sweeps up the scraps and those with no self-esteem. Neat guitar solo (if brief), and it wasn’t even Sambora, reportedly. Well, WTF. Bon Jovi with no Sambora? That’s like Guns ‘N’ Roses without Slash ($). Doesn’t work. In fact, the lack of guitars on this record so far makes me think it’s all over. Seriously. Go sing at open mic night, you dick.

Fingerprints is a bad, in-bed, in-the-sheets crap song. Haha any woman that falls for that gets what she deserves. Does this shit actually work? Not on any woman I’ve ever met. Bullshit and terrible.

Life Is Beautiful The “oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhs” are back. Gah. The song isn’t any better. Maybe I’m just drunk and pissy, but this “life is beautiful” crap is really getting on my nuts. Again with the almost-new country bullshit. Seriously. Fuuuuuuck. This is really bad. Don’t. Just don’t.

I’m Your Man rocks things up a bit and tries to add a bit of, what, 90s Brit-pop to that one line? Garbage. It sounds stolen. Or maybe a bad idea tacked on for lack of anything better. But it doesn’t matter, it’s just more dumb JBJ on the make with the cliches and the wannabe-Springsteenisms and the easy rhymes of a high school songwriter. I’m not feeling it at all.

And then we get Burning Bridges. It’s the most honest song here, and (maybe I’m fuckin’ drunk enough) but it’s (probably) the only enjoyable song here. This is a bar drunk sing-along. Sure, it’s a throwaway. Sure it’s stupid. Sure it’s a total kiss-ass to his fans. But at least it isn’t completely cringe-worthy. It’s still not worth buying, but at least it’s not overwrought like everything else here.**

In Sum:

If this is a stab at Richie, if JBJ is “burning bridges” (which is what I might guess the album title means? WTF do I know?), and this is his new direction, well, Sambora’s well clear of him. Carry on, Richie.

And this record?

Do not buy this. You work hard for your money. You only have so many discretionary and disposable dollars in this bullshit economy. You would do well to buy yourself a sex toy, or a fast food meal, or whatever else you could spend $10 on that would fuck you and actually give you a moment’s pleasure. This album is pap crap minivan soccer mom feel-good cliche garbage. Just don’t. Honestly. Don’t. You can thank me later.

Goddammit. I’m even outta wine. I haven’t even spell-checked. I’m outta here. Avoid this like it was the plague. Ignore my warnings and you’ll be bringing out your dead for the wagon.

With this album, I fart in your general direction!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

($) I’d originally put that it was like Aerosmith without Perry, but Deke rightly pointed out that they did an OK record without him. So I asked Mike and he said G ‘n’ R and, of course, he was right. Thanks guys! 

^^ it was Friday night when I wrote… whatever this is, and I didn’t post it til Sunday.

** If I were to play this again in the light of hang-over tomorrow morning, will I wonder what I was on about, saying this? Probably. Even this song could suck, when I’m more in control of my faculties. I do not trust my brain right now. It’s fuckin’ soused.

***

Our Thanks

After all of that, if you’ve made it this far, we’d like to thank you very much for joining us for another KMA Sunday Service. We hope you enjoyed your stay, and that you’ll leave a small offering of a comment or two in the comment collection plate as it is passed around, though of course, as always, this is merely a suggestion and not an obligation. We invite you all to join us again next week, when we once again bring you the KMA Sunday Service!

Posted on 2015-09-27, in posts by aaron and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 45 Comments.

  1. Okay, so what is this Flannel Era Jon Bon Jovi? I’m guessing it’s around the time he cut his hair and changed his musical approach…

    Congratulations on your anniversary! What a lovely gift.

    Congratulations also on the completion of your parents’ move. That must have been quite a project.

    Like

    • Ha! And here your next comment appeared as I was replying to your last one!

      Yeah the flannel.. I just have this memory (possibly faulty) of him cutting his hair and trying to adopt the grunge look after grunge was already moving on, but doing it in a way like he’d always meant to do that and now was his best time (seeing as it wasn’t going away).

      Thanks for the congrats! I’ll pass that on to my lovely wife – she deserves it more than I do (she puts up with me!). Yeah, I’ve known her forever and she has honestly always been awesome.

      My folks’ move has been an interesting experience. End of an era, for sure, but the beginning of a new one, too. I think (once the dust settles) they’ll really like where they are now. It was a good choice. And not just because now they live in the same town as me! Lots of reasons why this was good. And yup, it’ll be a project on-going for quite some time. There’s always another box to unpack…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Paganini! Outstanding selection. The previous ones are good too…I’ll continue reading now.

    Like

    • Ooo yes that Paganini was brilliant. The violin work is incredible!

      Wait til you get to the Bon Jovi, though. All apologies now in case bad language offends you… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha, call for the censors!

        Like

        • Ooof hahahahaha that was very, very well-played! You win the comments for today! 🙂

          Hey, if I join that list of banned writers (because I got drunk and listened to a really terrible Bon Jovi album and then wrote about it using f-bombs) then I would consider myself lucky and in very, very good company! Well, except for the Twlight lady. Just…. no. I would ban that book, sure, but not for its content specifically. Just because it’s reeeealllly bad! Watch out for more f-bombs! Hey, JBJ and Meyers oughta tour together! Meyers has already got characters that suck (vampires), JBJ could fit right in! Haha OK I’ll stop now.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Haha, why thank you!

            The album is really that bad? Or is this an Anti-JBJ Zone? Maybe both….

            From your review I’d guess that Richie Sambora is the one crossing bridges.

            I haven’t read any of the Meyers books. I do wonder what it is about a particular book or series that captivates so many readers. It’s not as though there’s a shortage of vampire stories.

            Like

            • It wouldn’t be an anti-JBJ zone if that record didn’t suck so hard. I’m an equal opportunity music lover, here, it’s just that some of these folks don’t take the opportunities afforded them.

              Right on, about Sambora. Shame, really. I’m a sentimental old fool.

              Vampires, zombies, wizards… I’m sick of it all. As Rollins once so eloquently put it, “…just more crap from a culture that’s evaporating.”

              Have you tried the Twilight movies? Hoo ho hoo talk about stank. I’m on Team This SUCKS!

              Liked by 1 person

              • Would it be a stretch to say that you want to like this album but can’t?
                I haven’t seen any of the Twilight movies. Oh no…I guess you have?

                Liked by 1 person

                • Good question! I don’t know. I’d like to think I am unbiased and objective but I know that’s a lie! Haha. Might be a bit of stretch, after all… I mean, I’m a generally optimistic person, and going into a new record I like to believe there’ll be something in it for me. But with JBJ, I have no real perspective, haven’t been a fan in a long time, so maybe I wanted there to be something cool there and was ultimately let down.

                  Yeah we tried the Twilight movie. We like to at least be aware of the cultural phenomena, have at least tried what people are talking about the most. It’s like when Sarca saw my TBR list (at top of page), where I list all the books I’ve read, and she saw 50 Shades Of Grey and said What?! Well, I wanted to know why people were into it – and I still don’t. They were bad bad bad, probably because they’re based on the Twilight thing somehow, I don’t really care why or how. Shit breeds shit, I guess. And it ain’t sour grapes about the bazillions these things have made. If I were to publish, I would be sad if i put my name on things like that. I’d rather die in obscurity than get rich off of such drivel.

                  And man, that first Twilight movie was so bad. I can’t even…

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Understandable about JBJ. It seems that many of his listeners today are not the same as those from his early music days.
                    The reviews and impressions I’ve heard about the Twilight series and 50 Shades are bad…varying degrees of bad. It’s interesting what captures mass-attention.

                    “Dying in obscurity rather than getting rich writing drivel” made me think of Louisa May Alcott, the author of Little Women. It turns out that she wrote a lot of works under pseudonyms. Why? Because she was embarrassed by their lack of literary merit and didn’t want anyone to know she was the author. She wrote these stories and books for the money. They paid well and historians believe that they’ll never identify them all (or maybe even most) because those records have disappeared or were not kept in the first place. The discovery that she even used a pseudonym was an accident.
                    She experienced poverty and hardship earlier in her life, so she was motivated to write what sold. It made me wonder what she would have written had money not been an issue. I believe that the literary world has been deprived of the depth of her talent.

                    Like

                    • Generally, what captures mass attention is the lowest common denominator. It’s why people accept reboots of movies over and over and over again. It’s why the Academy consistently picks the wrong film for Film Of The Year every single damned year. And so on. People are lazy, they want everything fed to them without having to think for themselves.

                      I hadn’t known that about Alcott. Much respect!!

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • You make some excellent points, Aaron.
                      Yes, Alcott’s personal history is very interesting although I’m not sure how much is in her biographies. Her (official) work and image are so well-loved that there may have been efforts to preserve a certain image. She was tutored by Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson. Can you imagine that intellectual background?
                      Even with Little Women and other prominent works, she gave in to pressure from the publisher for certain story features.
                      Her background and life would make an excellent movie. Maybe an official work of fiction could reveal more truth. 🙂

                      Like

  3. Congratulations on your 12th dude!

    Max Webster? I know what you Canadian guys are doing now, you spend all your Goddamned time inventing bands/musical peoples and conning the rest of us into believing they’re real. I’m calling you (and Mike) on this one, What do I win for spotting the one you both made up?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey thanks, Mr. 1537! 12 years. I say it time and again, she is a very brave woman. Heck, in November we celebrate our 17th first-date-a-versary. And that sounds like a long time. Except I’ve known her since kindergarten. So from my perspective, she’s just always been there and she’s always been awesome. I am a lucky boy!

      Sorry, no No Prize for you. We Canadians have not made up Max Webster. They were a very real, very good thing!

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Webster

      Like

  4. Wonderful service, Reverend. Is it wrong that I’m tempted to buy my first ever Bon Jovi album? Sounds marvellously bad.

    Like

    • Well, thank you, J.! I am glad you’re still enjoying the Sunday Services! I do trust that if they start to suck, you guys will let me know?

      I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not, on the JBJ thing. I want to think that you are. But be aware, this is not a So Bad It’s Good situation. This is a pure So Bad It’s Terrible situation. Do yourself a favour. Don’t go there. You’re a new Dad. You need to be differently aware of what you bring into the house. Seriously: avoid! This is not a challenge. Simply don’t do it.

      Like

      • See that’s just awfy sad, innit? Bad, bit not so bad it’s good. That’s just terrible.

        Like

        • I dunno how sad it is… I don’t really care about JBJ or what he does. I only did this one because Mike begged. And I got to drink a lot while I did it, so that was fun too. But yeah, this record wasn’t anything I’d try sober. Or ever again. 😉

          Like

  5. e-tainment news reviews

    I am laughing so hard right now! Best review ever!

    Like

  6. Just looked up the 12th wedding anniversary – it is the ‘silk’ or ‘silk and fine linen’ anniversary. So the silky smooth grooves of Stevie Wonder sounds like a very appropriate gift, well gifted Mrs. KMA!

    Like

    • The silk anniversary! Funny, I never think to look those anniversary things up. True romantic, that’s me! haha. Especially when the first thing I thought (on finding that out) was something racy and naughty. 😉

      But oh yes, that Stevie record is really really good. Very recommended.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You know, I was almost hoping you’d find this Bon Jovi fiasco redeemable. CD Japan has the album for a very reasonable $20. With bonus track.

    http://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/UICL-1132

    Well, that’s $20 for Star Wars figures. Jen bought me Chewie.

    Like

    • Well, as for redeemable… imagine the cliche lines of something like Bed Of Roses. All those easy turns of phrase, the lines you know are coming next even though you’ve never heard the song before… If you can tolerate that, well maybe you might like it? I dunno, you’re a bigger Bon Jovi fan (and more knowledgeable about it all) than I’ll ever be. So let your own mind decide – all of the tracks are (as I discovered) on the youtubes. Try a couple. See if I was was wrong! I know the collector completist in you is itching to buy it, on JP import, just to have it. Try it first, see what you think!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Forwarded to Jon Wilmenius, who I am sure will LOVE your Bon Jovi review. Jon likes beer, and hates what Bon Jovi has become…therefore he will be pleased!

    Like

  9. So he passed around the plate at the end of it all,
    And I didn’t have any to pay,
    So I got me a pen and a paper, and made up my own fuckin’ sign.
    It said thank you Lord for thinkin’ bout me,
    I’m alive and doing fine.

    AMEN!

    Like

  10. Glad you liked the Max! For $3 even if you didn’t, you could pass along to the next lucky person. It truly is a great album that takes a few listens to get. Max were a goofy, fun and uber-talented band and that all comes across on first listen…but wait until you get a feel for how good and memorable those songs are.

    Fucking Bon Jovi. My suspicions were confirmed. I can’t pay money for that record…let alone a Japanese import. John Shanks played guitar on it.

    As for that title Burning Bridges, Jon says it’s about their former record company. I say bullshit. Maybe that’s part of it, but I think that title is aimed directly at Richie.

    I think as a fan, I must now just admit that the band I liked no longer exists.

    Like

    • I truly did like the Max. Thanks for the recommend! It even had a song I already knew, the title track. We used to say the downtown line about some idiots in our home town.

      Sorry about the JBJ. If it had been any good at all I feel like I would have said so. Then again, I was drunk, so who knows? 🙂

      As for the album title, that was just a guess. Who knew I’d be right! Haha.

      Like

  11. Meant to add also thanks for taking one for the team in reviewing that Mess called Jovi!

    Like

  12. Bless you Father, for taking to the cups and reviewing that shitty shitty album. At least Stevie Wonder and Max Webster are awesome! AMEN

    Like

    • Gah, now I’m Father too? 🙂 Well, that one’s not as far off as Reverend or Pastor… I am, after all, happily a father twice over!

      Actually, the cups were really rather enjoyable! It was a nice red wine. The Stevie and Max were soooo good. And that Paganini too!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. This Jovi album has to be the biggest turd ever! I have not read one good review of it! Kudos to you for copping a buzz and hammering down a review on it! I don’t think any drug or drink could make me review any of his slop anymore!
    As for the Aero less Perry true somewhat. Aero put out the fantastic Rock In A Hard Place album in 82 with Jimmy Crespo and Rick Dufay subbing in for Perry and Whitford….
    Meself and Mikey both have reviewed that little AssKicker of a album……
    Great score on the Webster disc! Better yet how about a shout out to technology when u can text a guy like Mike and say do i take the plunge on this disc…..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha turd. Turd turd turd is the word… I dunno whether thanks are in order, but lemme just say I’m pretty damn glad I was tipsy when I heard it. I’d have shut it off if I were sober.

      Thanks for correcting me on the Aero stuff. I was just casting around in my addled mind for another band from that time and another big dick swinger player and landed there. And I knew there’d been a time when Perry left, so I guess I just put those two together. I stand corrected!

      The Webster album is really damn good. I need about ten more spins, though. I think it’s gonna continue to show me more edged of itself the more I listen.

      Being able to text people and say Hey have you got this? or Should I buy this? has probably saved us a ton of money on buying duplicates and unwanted stuff. Also, I get to send them pics of funny stuff I found. 😉 Have you got a smart phone, Deke?

      Like

      • Sue and my 3 daughters have iPhones ! I flat out refuse to get one! The landline at home is my cell! Hahaha…..when it rings the girls go “dad your cell is ringing!” Ha….just have no use for one ……

        Like

        • Luddite! hahaha. That’s awesome. Good on ya for sticking to your guns. Sadly, you’ll miss out on texts from me with stuff I found and weirdo crap that makes me laugh. Hm. Come to think of it, you’re probably better off… As you were!

          Like

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