I haven’t been this deep into a bottle of wine in a while. I like it here. I think I’ll stay…
IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT! TIME FOR A DRUNK REVIEW!
Oasis. Never liked them. Never. Not once. All deference to those who do. Honestly, you go for it if this floats your boat. I’m happy for you!
To me, they’re nasal, and fucking annoying. I’ve met so many people who love them, and they all try to convert me. Nothing anyone has ever said has penetrated my understanding that these people (and their music) don’t interest me in the slightest.
So I am (very) drunk. Well and truly into my cups on red wine right now. A really fucking cheap red wine, as it turns out. There’s something about a cheap drunk I can get into way more than I can get into this… whatever this is…
Oasis. Fuck. Why is it even here in my house? I found this 2CD set in our thrift shop, for $3. And with my staff discount I paid $1.50. Money can’t be it. Why do I keep flirting with these people? Maybe it’s because so many people do like them, so I feel, somehow, like I oughta. Maybe some small part of my subconscience knows I should like them, as some sort of big part of rock history or something. But then I play the songs and.. well fuck. I just don’t care. And why did I buy it? Maybe I thought a set of hits might be more palatable than an album. Probably that was it. I can also sell this on for quite a profit, quite easily.
This isn’t much of a review so far. Let me make it easy. I’ve been sitting here through all of this guitars and drums and whiny bitch vocals and I just don’t care. That’s the crux of it. It all sounds the fucking same, one big wash of same-sounding… whatever this is, and wheeeeeee! Fair play to all the fans everywhere don’t flame me. Just saying, if these fuckers can be famous, then anyone can. They probably laugh every morning they wake up in some fancy place, next to someone naked whom they fucked the night before, laughing that all of this was possible because they wrote these big anthemic nothings that go nowhere and prove nothing. Insert fucking guitar solo here. Oh, and don’t forget we love the Beatles meh meh MEH.
I shouldn’t talk. I don’t know anything about these people. Nor do I want to. I’ve never had a zillion-selling album that let me tour the world and fuck anything with legs. They did, so they’re better than me, right? Sure. Look, I bought their 2CD hits set in a thrift shop because maybe I wanted to give them a chance. Another chance (I’ve tried before, as you might recall, from these pages). Here it is, cheaply and right in front of me, all laid out with its legs spread and all the hits on two CDs and… I still don’t care. Not one goddamn bit.
If I was in a desert, dehydrated and starving, stumbling to my death, and I came across this Oasis, I would keep on fucking walking.
CD1: Live Forever / Acquiesce / Supersonic / Half The World Away / Go Let It Out / Songbird / Morning Glory / Champagne Supernova / Don’t Look Back In Anger
CD2: Rock ’n’ Roll Star / Some Might Say / Talk Tonight / Lyla / The Importance Of Being Idle / Wonderwall / Slide Away / Cigarettes And Alcohol / The Masterplan
This is more Oasis than (probably) I have ever stomached in my entire life, all in one sitting. And my final analysis? MEH. Fucking MEH. I need more wine. A LOT MORE WINE.