It Takes Two (Tylenol Extra Strength)

I thought it would be fun to make a mix of old school hip hop for the kids, show the kids what we used to like back in the 80s. Two things happened:

  1. It is nearly impossible to find old school rap songs that don’t have swearing, or sexual references, or violent imagery in them. I mean, I ultimately found about 25 tracks, but I combed all 4 of my Anthems Hip Hop sets (3CD each = 12CD) to even get those.
  2. My kids didn’t really like it.

They were OK with Run DMC and Aerosmith’s Walk This Way, mostly, but they liked A Tribe Called Quest’s Can I Kick It? better… my lovely wife says in this way you can tell they take after me. We tried Sugarhill Gang, Grandmaster Flash, Gang Starr, Eric B. & Rakim, Young MC, EPMD, Kurtis Blow, a whole bunch of old hits (and reading those names, you can probably guess the tracks they heard). But… meh. My boy said he’d rather Iron Maiden, while my daughter asked for Jake Bugg. So there you go. I’ll keep the disc and we can try it again in a year or so.

One track that bugged me lyrically, though, was Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock’s It Takes Two. It’s seemingly innocuous, and it has a funky beat (and that damn repeated “yeah!”… “scream” thing throughout) but I listened closely to the lyrics and it hurt my damn head…

 

Check it:

Right about now
You are about to be possessed
By the sounds of
MC Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock

Possesed? Should I call an exorcist? A… rapsorcist?

I wanna rock right now
I’m Rob Base and I came to get down
I’m not internationally known
But I’m known to rock the microphone

So how far is the range of your being known? Your state? Your town? Your Mom?

Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous

So, say outrageous the first time, then.

Stay away from me if you’re contagious

Um, OK? Are you a germophobe?

‘Cause I’m the winner, no, I’m not a loser

That’s redundant.

To be an MC is what I choose-a

That doesn’t rhyme with loser.

Ladies love me,

Sure they do.

girls adore me

Creepy.

I mean even the ones who never saw me
Like the way that I rhyme at a show

What? If they never saw you, how could they…?

The reason why, man, I don’t know

I don’t know either because you’re not making sense. Also, way to have self-confidence. You don’t know why people would like what you do?

 

My name is Rob, I gotta real funky concept
Listen up, ’cause I’m gonna keep you in step
I got an idea
That I wanna share
You don’t like it, so what, I don’t care

Wait a minute, we just listened all the way to here and you couldn’t give a shit? Why did you write this song, then? It’s to make sure people don’t come near you with their germs, isn’t it. I knew it.

I’m number-one, the uno, I like comp
Bring all the suckers ’cause all them I’ll stomp

Rob Base is Yoda, now?

Bold and black but I won’t protect
All of my followers ’cause all I want is respect

Wait. So you won’t protect your followers but expect them to respect you? Dude.

I’m not a doctor, put them in rapture
A slick brother that can easy outfox ya
‘Cause I’m Rob, the last name Base, yeah
And on the mike, I’m known to be the freshest

Go on, boast to all those you won’t protect…

So let’s start, it shouldn’t be too hard
I’m not a sucker so I don’t need a bodyguard
I won’t fess, wear a bulletproof vest

So you don’t need protection either.

Don’t smoke buddha, can’t stand sess, yes

What? Wait a minute, are you high right now?

The situation that the Base is in
I’m kinda stingy that’s why I don’t wanna lend
A funky rhyme to a foe or a good friend
But listen up ’cause I want you to comprehend

Folks he won’t protect you, and he won’t help you.

‘Cause I’m the leader, the man superior
I take care of ya and then ya get wearier

But you just said you won’t take care of us at all.

So just sit, my rhymes are not counterfeit
The record sells which makes this one a hit
It won’t hurt to listen to Red Alert
Take off your shirt, make sure it don’t hit the dirt

I will not take my shirt off for you, Rob Base.

I like the kids, the guys, the girls
I want the ducats ’cause this is Rob Base’s world
I’m on a mission, ya better just listen
To my rhymes ’cause I’m all about dissin’ ’cause

Now wait a minute. Who are you “dissin’?” And ducats? Seriously? I think the only thing you said here that makes sense to me is that Rob Base is in his own world.

I stand alone, don’t need anyone

You must be fun at parties. Remember your John Donne though, Rob. No man is an island.

‘Cause I’m Rob, just came to have fun

Uh huh.

Don’t need friends that act like foes
‘Cause I’m Rob Base, the one who knows
About things that make ya get weary
Don’t cheer me, just hear me
Out ’cause I got the clout, shout (ho!)
Before I turn the party out

You know about things that make me weary, alright. Have you read your own lyrics?

I won’t stutter, project my voice, speak clearly
So you can be my choice on stage

Wait, so I get to join you on stage now, Mr. I Don’t Need Anyone? What about the germs?

Or on record, go to the Wiz and select it
Take it off the rack, if it’s wack put it back

The Wiz? Of Oz?

I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac

Given that you haven’t mentioned food anywhere else in this song, this is random but OK, suuure…

If you want static, so let’s go
So, throw up your hands, go for what you know

I could go for a Big Mac…

Bro’, I got an ego

No kidding. Really?

Yo, talkin’ to me, no, oh?

No. Oh. Yo?

‘Cause Rob is in the front, EZ Rock is on the backup

And he’s probably wondering how long he has to put up with this before he gets a better gig.

We’re not soft, so you better just slack up
‘Cause I’m cool, calm just like a breeze

You have not sounded calm once in this song. In fact, you’ve been very opinionated and nonsensical.

Rock the mike with the help of E-Z Rock
On the set, the music plays
Only cuts the records that I say

And if you don’t get your way, Mr. Bossypants, do you lie on the floor, kick and scream and cry until they let you have your way?

***

In Sum: 

It seems like such an innocuous vacuous pop rap song. And it is. Just don’t listen to the lyrics. They’ll hurt your head.

And keep your germs to yourself. Apparently. Haha what a dumb song.

Pass the Tylenol.

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Posted on June 23, 2017, in posts by aaron and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 64 Comments.

  1. Precisely why I don’t listen to rap.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I guess your kids just aren’t rap fans!

    Like

  3. That what was a great way to start my Friday. A very nice laugh early in the morning is always good. He was a poet.

    Like

  4. That song was huge in late 80’s. Every club played it every night. Also Young MC, Technotronic, MC Hammer etc.
    I actually didn’t mind it because it was better than the dance music.
    I never got too deep into it though.
    One thing I liked about that song was sampling of Lyn Collins song, Think.

    I’m surprised your kids don’t enjoy this style of music though. Although liking Maiden is awesome.

    Like

    • Oh it was definitely huge (that’s what she said). I found this on Wiki: “The music critic Stephen Thomas Erlewine of the All Music Guide said: “There are many critics and listeners who claim that Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock’s ‘It Takes Two’ is the greatest hip-hop single ever cut. It’s hard to disagree with them.””

      Haha whut.

      Anything is better than dance music, but this one walks that fine line between the hip hop and dance. It’s better to not get too deep into it – it’ll hurt your brain.

      Certainly cool to have the samples in there. In fact, without those samples, the song would be a pile of “lyrics” tossed out in a five minute rhyming/boasting brainstorm workshop.

      I guess all these years of conditioning have taught the kids better taste? Haha I dunno, I try to give a taste of every style of music. This style, right now, didn’t hit them at all really. Maybe they’ll like it later.

      I think my boy likes Maiden so much because I played the hell out of Book Of Souls in the car for ages…

      Liked by 1 person

      • You need to start a chain of Heavy Metal Daycares.

        Like

        • Now that’s a business idea. The metal community is generally a bunch of respectful people (at shows). Good way to model behaviour! 🙂

          Like

          • Metalheads get a bum rap. Cops assume there will be trouble but I have yet to see it at hundreds of shows.

            Liked by 1 person

            • I know, me neither. Ah well, the haters never figured out what you get when you ‘assume’ something about a group you don’t understand…

              Like

              • It all stems from the 60’s riot days. Cops beat on “longhairs” for no reason.
                Also, bikers get a bad rap from those early days.
                Many metalheads and bikers are older people that happen to enjoy a lifestyle.
                Just because a person looks a certain way, does not make them bad. Be it skin colour, hair length, or attire.

                Like

                • You should have seen the bikes at the #kennerandivy rally! What amazing people! And those guys do tons of fundraisers and rallies for people in need. Really proud to have been a small part of that but the bikers were the real stars of the night.

                  Like

                • I always think of Henry Rollins, ranting one time about people hating others who are different. I’m paraphrasing, but basically he said “I don’t hate you because of the colour of your skin, or where you came from, or your sexual orientation, or your gender. But leave me alone in a room with you for five minutes, just talking, and I can find all sorts of reasons you’re an asshole!” Haha oh Hank.

                  Like

  5. The lyric “stay away from me if you’re contagious” meant something different to me.

    Back then the Aids crisis was all over the news, so that is what I always assumed he meant. Stay away from me if you’re contagious. Back then unfortunately, Aids meant a death sentence, and most people did not want to be anywhere near a person with HIV or Aids for fear of them being “contagious”.

    Like

  6. Me likey a lotey. Nice umm– article thing? I’m always gonna have a special place for 80s Hip-Hop, love me some Rakim, Tribe, De La etc. So much good stuff there.
    Milo.

    Like

    • Um, me thankey you a lotey! Man, I’ve got a nostalgic spot for that old rap stuff too. It just boggled me how much of it I could not (as a responsible parent) play for my young children. And it makes me wonder if my parents knew what we were listening to haha!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. “ladies love me” – well I guess, at least they didn’t put “LL” in their permanent stage name!

    Like

  8. Haha, I used to rap along to this after a few beers! I don’t drink like I used to these days, but reading along to the lyrics makes me think, yeah, this song is idiotic. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Haven’t had a Whopper in a long time….

    Like

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