I thought it would be fun to make a mix of old school hip hop for the kids, show the kids what we used to like back in the 80s. Two things happened:
- It is nearly impossible to find old school rap songs that don’t have swearing, or sexual references, or violent imagery in them. I mean, I ultimately found about 25 tracks, but I combed all 4 of my Anthems Hip Hop sets (3CD each = 12CD) to even get those.
- My kids didn’t really like it.
They were OK with Run DMC and Aerosmith’s Walk This Way, mostly, but they liked A Tribe Called Quest’s Can I Kick It? better… my lovely wife says in this way you can tell they take after me. We tried Sugarhill Gang, Grandmaster Flash, Gang Starr, Eric B. & Rakim, Young MC, EPMD, Kurtis Blow, a whole bunch of old hits (and reading those names, you can probably guess the tracks they heard). But… meh. My boy said he’d rather Iron Maiden, while my daughter asked for Jake Bugg. So there you go. I’ll keep the disc and we can try it again in a year or so.
One track that bugged me lyrically, though, was Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock’s It Takes Two. It’s seemingly innocuous, and it has a funky beat (and that damn repeated “yeah!”… “scream” thing throughout) but I listened closely to the lyrics and it hurt my damn head…
Check it:
Right about now
You are about to be possessed
By the sounds of
MC Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock
Possesed? Should I call an exorcist? A… rapsorcist?
…
I wanna rock right now
I’m Rob Base and I came to get down
I’m not internationally known
But I’m known to rock the microphone
So how far is the range of your being known? Your state? Your town? Your Mom?
Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous
So, say outrageous the first time, then.
Stay away from me if you’re contagious
Um, OK? Are you a germophobe?
‘Cause I’m the winner, no, I’m not a loser
That’s redundant.
To be an MC is what I choose-a
That doesn’t rhyme with loser.
Ladies love me,
Sure they do.
girls adore me
Creepy.
I mean even the ones who never saw me
Like the way that I rhyme at a show
What? If they never saw you, how could they…?
The reason why, man, I don’t know
I don’t know either because you’re not making sense. Also, way to have self-confidence. You don’t know why people would like what you do?
…
My name is Rob, I gotta real funky concept
Listen up, ’cause I’m gonna keep you in step
I got an idea
That I wanna share
You don’t like it, so what, I don’t care
Wait a minute, we just listened all the way to here and you couldn’t give a shit? Why did you write this song, then? It’s to make sure people don’t come near you with their germs, isn’t it. I knew it.
I’m number-one, the uno, I like comp
Bring all the suckers ’cause all them I’ll stomp
Rob Base is Yoda, now?
Bold and black but I won’t protect
All of my followers ’cause all I want is respect
Wait. So you won’t protect your followers but expect them to respect you? Dude.
I’m not a doctor, put them in rapture
A slick brother that can easy outfox ya
‘Cause I’m Rob, the last name Base, yeah
And on the mike, I’m known to be the freshest
Go on, boast to all those you won’t protect…
So let’s start, it shouldn’t be too hard
I’m not a sucker so I don’t need a bodyguard
I won’t fess, wear a bulletproof vest
So you don’t need protection either.
Don’t smoke buddha, can’t stand sess, yes
What? Wait a minute, are you high right now?
…
The situation that the Base is in
I’m kinda stingy that’s why I don’t wanna lend
A funky rhyme to a foe or a good friend
But listen up ’cause I want you to comprehend
Folks he won’t protect you, and he won’t help you.
‘Cause I’m the leader, the man superior
I take care of ya and then ya get wearier
But you just said you won’t take care of us at all.
So just sit, my rhymes are not counterfeit
The record sells which makes this one a hit
It won’t hurt to listen to Red Alert
Take off your shirt, make sure it don’t hit the dirt
I will not take my shirt off for you, Rob Base.
I like the kids, the guys, the girls
I want the ducats ’cause this is Rob Base’s world
I’m on a mission, ya better just listen
To my rhymes ’cause I’m all about dissin’ ’cause
Now wait a minute. Who are you “dissin’?” And ducats? Seriously? I think the only thing you said here that makes sense to me is that Rob Base is in his own world.
…
I stand alone, don’t need anyone
You must be fun at parties. Remember your John Donne though, Rob. No man is an island.
‘Cause I’m Rob, just came to have fun
Uh huh.
Don’t need friends that act like foes
‘Cause I’m Rob Base, the one who knows
About things that make ya get weary
Don’t cheer me, just hear me
Out ’cause I got the clout, shout (ho!)
Before I turn the party out
You know about things that make me weary, alright. Have you read your own lyrics?
I won’t stutter, project my voice, speak clearly
So you can be my choice on stage
Wait, so I get to join you on stage now, Mr. I Don’t Need Anyone? What about the germs?
Or on record, go to the Wiz and select it
Take it off the rack, if it’s wack put it back
The Wiz? Of Oz?
I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac
Given that you haven’t mentioned food anywhere else in this song, this is random but OK, suuure…
If you want static, so let’s go
So, throw up your hands, go for what you know
I could go for a Big Mac…
Bro’, I got an ego
No kidding. Really?
Yo, talkin’ to me, no, oh?
No. Oh. Yo?
‘Cause Rob is in the front, EZ Rock is on the backup
And he’s probably wondering how long he has to put up with this before he gets a better gig.
We’re not soft, so you better just slack up
‘Cause I’m cool, calm just like a breeze
You have not sounded calm once in this song. In fact, you’ve been very opinionated and nonsensical.
Rock the mike with the help of E-Z Rock
On the set, the music plays
Only cuts the records that I say
And if you don’t get your way, Mr. Bossypants, do you lie on the floor, kick and scream and cry until they let you have your way?
***
In Sum:
It seems like such an innocuous vacuous pop rap song. And it is. Just don’t listen to the lyrics. They’ll hurt your head.
And keep your germs to yourself. Apparently. Haha what a dumb song.
Pass the Tylenol.
Haven’t had a Whopper in a long time….
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Your general health and welfare thanks you, Deke.
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Yeah B.K is on the other side of town and in the words of HMO ‘can’t be arsed to get over there”
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Well it’s a good thing you don’t, or your arse would get bigger and you’d get even less arsed to do things!
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The Final Score…
1- Mr Books
0- Whopper
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Does this mean I am now the burger King?
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Na man …ZZ Top ‘Burger Man’
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Oh yes, that is MUCH better, thanks! 🙂
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I can’t believe Aaron missed this but, that’s what she swid.
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I was saving that one for you, Bop! 🙂
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Haha, I used to rap along to this after a few beers! I don’t drink like I used to these days, but reading along to the lyrics makes me think, yeah, this song is idiotic. lol
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This would seem like poetry when you’re half in the bag, surely.
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“ladies love me” – well I guess, at least they didn’t put “LL” in their permanent stage name!
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When it comes to rappers boasting about how the ladies love them, this one is a fairly undertated example. Guys like LL are (sometimes) a little less plain about it.
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Me likey a lotey. Nice umm– article thing? I’m always gonna have a special place for 80s Hip-Hop, love me some Rakim, Tribe, De La etc. So much good stuff there.
Milo.
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Um, me thankey you a lotey! Man, I’ve got a nostalgic spot for that old rap stuff too. It just boggled me how much of it I could not (as a responsible parent) play for my young children. And it makes me wonder if my parents knew what we were listening to haha!
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The lyric “stay away from me if you’re contagious” meant something different to me.
Back then the Aids crisis was all over the news, so that is what I always assumed he meant. Stay away from me if you’re contagious. Back then unfortunately, Aids meant a death sentence, and most people did not want to be anywhere near a person with HIV or Aids for fear of them being “contagious”.
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Huh. I never thought of that, but it’s a valid point. I suppose it could be about AIDS. I remember when all those basketball players refused to even play pick-up basketball with Magic Johnson because he might get a cut and bleed on them or whatever.
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I remember the paranoia. I remember asling my buddy “So if I got that, you would stop being friends and never want to see me again.”
He said “Yes”
I was quite floored, but some people think that way.
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I think we will see a cure in our lifetimes. I hope so.
I remember when Rock Hudson had AIDS, a bunch of bullies grabbed a smaller kid and told him to “Say you’re Rock Hudson!” And they wouldn’t let him go until he did…and he didn’t even know what it meant.
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Yeesh. They probably pantsed him, too.
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I went to a nasty school unfortunately and teachers couldn’t care less.
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That sucks.
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Even when I was a kid, I couldn’t understand how these so-called Christian school kids could be so fucking mean. In my experience the Catholic schools are way nastier than public.
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I always see it as simple (in adults as well). Anger and cruelty is fear. They’re insecure and covering it. Hard as it seems, they need compassion, not retaliation. Although it is sometimes really satisfying when someone knocks a dumbass bully on their ass, that’s not the answer.
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I also remember people calling it a ‘gays-only’ disease and saying they were getting what they deserved. Oh, and they wouldn’t drink from public water fountains either.
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That song was huge in late 80’s. Every club played it every night. Also Young MC, Technotronic, MC Hammer etc.
I actually didn’t mind it because it was better than the dance music.
I never got too deep into it though.
One thing I liked about that song was sampling of Lyn Collins song, Think.
I’m surprised your kids don’t enjoy this style of music though. Although liking Maiden is awesome.
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Oh it was definitely huge (that’s what she said). I found this on Wiki: “The music critic Stephen Thomas Erlewine of the All Music Guide said: “There are many critics and listeners who claim that Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock’s ‘It Takes Two’ is the greatest hip-hop single ever cut. It’s hard to disagree with them.””
Haha whut.
Anything is better than dance music, but this one walks that fine line between the hip hop and dance. It’s better to not get too deep into it – it’ll hurt your brain.
Certainly cool to have the samples in there. In fact, without those samples, the song would be a pile of “lyrics” tossed out in a five minute rhyming/boasting brainstorm workshop.
I guess all these years of conditioning have taught the kids better taste? Haha I dunno, I try to give a taste of every style of music. This style, right now, didn’t hit them at all really. Maybe they’ll like it later.
I think my boy likes Maiden so much because I played the hell out of Book Of Souls in the car for ages…
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You need to start a chain of Heavy Metal Daycares.
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Now that’s a business idea. The metal community is generally a bunch of respectful people (at shows). Good way to model behaviour! 🙂
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Metalheads get a bum rap. Cops assume there will be trouble but I have yet to see it at hundreds of shows.
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I know, me neither. Ah well, the haters never figured out what you get when you ‘assume’ something about a group you don’t understand…
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It all stems from the 60’s riot days. Cops beat on “longhairs” for no reason.
Also, bikers get a bad rap from those early days.
Many metalheads and bikers are older people that happen to enjoy a lifestyle.
Just because a person looks a certain way, does not make them bad. Be it skin colour, hair length, or attire.
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You should have seen the bikes at the #kennerandivy rally! What amazing people! And those guys do tons of fundraisers and rallies for people in need. Really proud to have been a small part of that but the bikers were the real stars of the night.
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I always think of Henry Rollins, ranting one time about people hating others who are different. I’m paraphrasing, but basically he said “I don’t hate you because of the colour of your skin, or where you came from, or your sexual orientation, or your gender. But leave me alone in a room with you for five minutes, just talking, and I can find all sorts of reasons you’re an asshole!” Haha oh Hank.
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That what was a great way to start my Friday. A very nice laugh early in the morning is always good. He was a poet.
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A poet… yeahhhh… suuure…
haha glad you enjoyed, and thanks! I had to get that rant off my chest.
I was thinking back… it’s been ages since I did one of these posts… probably that dumb Magic song about he’s gonna marry the girl anyway. Another one that ticked me off. Anyway. Have a great day!
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It has been awhile. I do remember that post as well. Keep them coming.
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Sadly, for another one of these posts to happen I’ll have to come across another song that melts my brain with its problems. I live in hope I never find those songs. 😉
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It will just be a matter of time with all the crap that is out there.
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Well, I don’t like the radio at all, so that will limit my exposure, surely. But yeah, eventually I’ll have to rant about some other dumbass song.
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I guess your kids just aren’t rap fans!
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They didn’t mind it, but they would have preferred the other stuff. Hey, it’s all better than hearing that damn song from Moana another damn time.
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Thank God I’ve never had to hear that or “Let it Go” or any of those songs!
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One of the joys of parenting a 5-year-old girl, Dude. She loves all those songs and sings them, loudly, wherever she goes. Even when she doesn’t know the words, she just makes some up to fit. It’s hilarious and awesome.
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At this point we’ve basically been told we won’t be having kids…it makes me sad…but I try to see silver linings and this is definitely one!
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That is sad indeed, if you’d wanted to. But I understand the reasons and other things come first, like safety and health. Silver linings are the best way to see things. Myself, I don’t mind when our girl goes around the house singing (badly) at the top of her voice. Pretty soon, she’ll be too cool to share anything with us, so I wanna enjoy these moments while I can!
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In this house I do all the bad singing. But Jen seems to like it! So whether I’m better than I think, or Jen’s tone deaf…we get along!
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I doubt she’s tone deaf, given how much music you guys enjoy in your house. I’d say it boils down to a similar situation as here in our house: dude, we have verrry patient lovely wives!
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That answer gets an A+!
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Haha I’d like to thank the Academy…
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We were told that as well Mike.
In fact, my wife was told she was not pregnant, but she knew she was.
She threw up 3 times a day, every day for her entire pregnancy.
It was a hard road but we were blessed with an awesome kid.
The medical field is not an exact science. Sometimes it’s best guesses, luck and possibly some higher power, whatever form that may be.
As for not having kids, if that is the case there are tons of orphans that would love to have awesome parents like you guys.
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Well Bop what I mean by that is less that we can’t have kids biologically, but that we cannot manage kids at all. In the current state of affairs, it would be extremely dangerous to have kids. Jennifer has seizures so frequently…things happen and kids could get hurt if Jen is alone with a baby. Sadly, Jennifer cannot be alone with a baby.
But as you know we are waiting on that new medication called “marijuana”, we have been referred to a weed doctor.
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Sorry dude. I wrongly assumed what you meant. I hope it all gets worked out. The worst part is we are now waiting on a politician to honour a campaign promise.
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Too busy taking selfies.
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Haha at least our leader isn’t tweeting idiocies from the toilet at 3:00 am…
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For what it’s worth, I’ve been tweeting back at him. Trying to get him to block me like he blocked Stephen King a couple weeks ago. Good company to be in….
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Now there’s a use for the Twitter of which I can approve!
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The Waterloo Llamas (who?) liked my Trump Tweet today. LOL
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The Waterloo Llamas? That sounds like a fun group! I wonder if they have hats, like the Flintstones’ Water Buffaloes?
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Well I checked and it’s the “unofficial” twitter account for…
The llamas they have at the petting zoo in Waterloo park. LOL
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Dammit, that account needs official status! This is fantastic!
I wonder if one of them is named Llarry.
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Precisely why I don’t listen to rap.
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Well, at least pop rap from 1988 that samples two different songs, anyway! 🙂
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