I haven’t been this deep into a bottle of wine in a while. I like it here. I think I’ll stay…
IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT! TIME FOR A DRUNK REVIEW!
Oasis. Never liked them. Never. Not once. All deference to those who do. Honestly, you go for it if this floats your boat. I’m happy for you!
To me, they’re nasal, and fucking annoying. I’ve met so many people who love them, and they all try to convert me. Nothing anyone has ever said has penetrated my understanding that these people (and their music) don’t interest me in the slightest.
So I am (very) drunk. Well and truly into my cups on red wine right now. A really fucking cheap red wine, as it turns out. There’s something about a cheap drunk I can get into way more than I can get into this… whatever this is…
Oasis. Fuck. Why is it even here in my house? I found this 2CD set in our thrift shop, for $3. And with my staff discount I paid $1.50. Money can’t be it. Why do I keep flirting with these people? Maybe it’s because so many people do like them, so I feel, somehow, like I oughta. Maybe some small part of my subconscience knows I should like them, as some sort of big part of rock history or something. But then I play the songs and.. well fuck. I just don’t care. And why did I buy it? Maybe I thought a set of hits might be more palatable than an album. Probably that was it. I can also sell this on for quite a profit, quite easily.
This isn’t much of a review so far. Let me make it easy. I’ve been sitting here through all of this guitars and drums and whiny bitch vocals and I just don’t care. That’s the crux of it. It all sounds the fucking same, one big wash of same-sounding… whatever this is, and wheeeeeee! Fair play to all the fans everywhere don’t flame me. Just saying, if these fuckers can be famous, then anyone can. They probably laugh every morning they wake up in some fancy place, next to someone naked whom they fucked the night before, laughing that all of this was possible because they wrote these big anthemic nothings that go nowhere and prove nothing. Insert fucking guitar solo here. Oh, and don’t forget we love the Beatles meh meh MEH.
I shouldn’t talk. I don’t know anything about these people. Nor do I want to. I’ve never had a zillion-selling album that let me tour the world and fuck anything with legs. They did, so they’re better than me, right? Sure. Look, I bought their 2CD hits set in a thrift shop because maybe I wanted to give them a chance. Another chance (I’ve tried before, as you might recall, from these pages). Here it is, cheaply and right in front of me, all laid out with its legs spread and all the hits on two CDs and… I still don’t care. Not one goddamn bit.
If I was in a desert, dehydrated and starving, stumbling to my death, and I came across this Oasis, I would keep on fucking walking.
CD1: Live Forever / Acquiesce / Supersonic / Half The World Away / Go Let It Out / Songbird / Morning Glory / Champagne Supernova / Don’t Look Back In Anger
CD2: Rock ’n’ Roll Star / Some Might Say / Talk Tonight / Lyla / The Importance Of Being Idle / Wonderwall / Slide Away / Cigarettes And Alcohol / The Masterplan
This is more Oasis than (probably) I have ever stomached in my entire life, all in one sitting. And my final analysis? MEH. Fucking MEH. I need more wine. A LOT MORE WINE.
I could hear Mike from here, yelling “WTF is Aaron doing writing about Oasis??? He HATES those guys!” So let’s all take a minute and let him get up off the floor and let his heart slow down a bit.
We all good? OK, let’s see what this is all about.
You see, I find CDs for $2 all the time. A lot of them are crap. A lot of the ones I’d want are hacked up beyond even considering buying them. And in my push toward Collection Integrity, where every disc is pristine, even the slightly scratched ones get left behind. But even for passing over a huge percentage of discs, I still find a ton that look brand new and I buy those. Especially on spec, bands I’ve heard of but never heard, etc. I’ve done that for years and I love it. I’ve heard a lot of new music that way! I love getting, for example, 5 new-to-me records for $10. I am SO high maintenance!
And yes, I have long held a very strong dislike of Oasis. To me, they’re obnoxious, incredibly nasal, and I find a lot of their songs bland and boring. I never understood people’s fervour towards this band at all. [ASSUMES CRASH POSITION AS FANS OF THE BAND PREPARE TO FLAME ME].
Meh. To each their own, but this band never did anything that excited me.
So why in hell did I buy one of their CDs? Well, truth to tell, I bought several (someone must’ve ditched their collection, and I can’t blame them). But I thought it would be interesting to revisit my dislike of them, see if it still stands up. Have my tastes changed? Let’s see! And yes, I could maybe have started earlier or on a different record but all I did was grab this one off the top of a pile of To Review discs so here we go with Oasis in 2002.
What I Thought:
So, have I reached a point where I can maybe get to this band? Not really. I knew the song The Hindu Times, but the rest honestly just sort of washed together in my ears. Sure, some of it’s slower, some of it’s faster, instrumentations are different, but it was so middle of the road i didn’t hear anything really jump out at me.
It wasn’t bad (more enjoyable than I’d guessed – and I’d guessed music of a nails-on-a-chalkboard variety), but it surely isn’t what I’d reach for, when I want to listen to music. I think I just missed the boat, on this band. My attention was far and away from them when they were at their peak, and it feels pretty late to be trying to catch up with them now, when it sounds like this to me.
And before you comment that I should have tried some other record, save it for now (thanks) and stay tuned. I got some others of theirs and when I’m feeling like I want to sit through these guys again, I’ll try a different one.
So far, still not working for me at all, but this was only one CD. Points awarded to myself for trying.
So yah, it’s been a while. Good to see you.
Robert Pollard – Elephant Jokes
You’d think we’d get tired of this guy’s constant output. After all, how much can one person create and not have it all sound the same? If you said ‘not much,’ then you’ve never really listened to Robert Pollard. This is intelligent jangly weirdo power pop that always hits the sweet spot. It’s varied and creative and fun. This is reason to celebrate! I hope he makes a million more. He probably will.
Ford Pier – Adventurism
Perfect freak-out session of musical insouciance from Mr. Pier. Subtitled “Torture Is The New Anal,” this record offers up so much time signature-twisting awesomeness that first listen doesn’t come close to giving it all to you. Even the cover is upside down (or is it just my copy?). Along for the ride this time are Jason Tait, Michael Philip Wojewoda and Ryan Granville-Martin. And I’d really like to know why Martin Tielli is the man to see about schedules… Well, whatever. Folks, this record is another slice of unabashed, unapologetic brilliance. A snapshot of a rare talent, indeed. Loved it.
R.I.P. Les Paul.
Yeah well, down the hatch. Good riddance.
First heard Rascal Flatt’s atrocious cover of Tom Cochrane’s ‘Life Is A Highway’ on country radio on my neighbour’s crappy stereo in his garage. I couldn’t believe my ears. So, of course, I went home and looked it up on YouTube. I was blown away by the absolute horror of this version. The life has been sucked right out of it. The vocals are slow, and the twangy good-ol’-boy schtick does not work at all. The backing track is perfunctory New Country to the point of making it faceless and unrecognizable from any of a million other songs on CMT. Holy shit, that was BAD. Bad bad bad bad bad!
Trivia! Carolyn Mark ‘Slithers’
Bet you didn’t know that Carolyn Mark and The New Best Friends are on the soundtrack for the movie Slither. Yep, there they are, doing ‘2 Days Smug And Sober’ from the brilliant Pros And Cons Of Collaboration record. Neat!
Still gotta try making a Bourbon Decay one of these days…
The New Hotness
Part of what’s been keeping me busy around here arrived the other day, in the form of a 40″ television and a surround sound system to go with it. The TV’s alright (as far as TVs go, I’m no expert), but the promise of a big sub with surround speakers sets my skin to tingling. Haven’t got it hooked up yet, but just imagining Metallica cranked in there makes me really happy indeed. Oh baby.
Apple and iPod
So I announced a month ago that I’d awesomely got an iPod for my birthday. To this day, I still don’t have any music on it! I know! The issue seems to be that iTunes only wants me to pull things from my laptop’s hd, when all of my music is stored on my wireless external hd. So it means another step to move it all back to the lappy’s hd and, frankly, there’s not much room there, so it’d require several moves/deletions to get it all on the iPod… and even then that’s only if I can figure out a way to be allowed to add things in chunks. Also, iTunes keeps wanting me to make libraries and playlists and all this other proprietary horseshit I care nothing about – man, I just want to drag folders onto the iPod and be done with it.
James has been a big help, but not having a Mac he’s a bit out of depth in getting workarounds on that OS figured out. I’m thisclose to calling Mac themselves and having them hold my hand through the process. I’m also considering downloading some external freeware that seems to promise it’ll let me do what I want. As it stands right now, iTunes is nothing but a humungous pain in the ass.
Tributes To The Vines and Godsmack
I got these at the dollar store, so you know they’re high quality. And not really remembering any of the actual songs by either band will surely hinder these reviews completely. Released on Tributized Records (haha, that’s classy), both records are fine, I suppose. Glowing, right? Right!
The Vines Tribute has eight cover tunes by bands you’ll surely never hear again and, while they’re passable, well, whatever. The disc improves when you get to Iggy Pop (live), Flamin’ Groovies and Johnny Thunders tracks as the ‘roots of the Vines,’ and then the dude from Cinderella’s new band’s bonus original track. Yes, they went all out on this collection. At least it was only a buck.
As for the Godsmack disc, the Pagan Rock Allstars (oh baby) give us the “essence of Godsmack,” which amounts to an exercise in nu-metal imitation. A couple of other bands whose names you’ll never utter chip in too before we get the ‘roots of Godsmack,’ one track of which kinda rules. It’s a cover of Metallica’s ‘Battery’ by Eric A.K. (of Flotsam and Jetsam, which was Jason Newstead’s band before joining Metallica), Robert Trujillo (haha he plays with them now), Dave Lombardo (SLAYER!!!) and Mike Clark (the producer?). Truly shows you how much that track needs Hetfield’s vocals but the song is so awesome that your Grandma could rock it. Now there’s an image. Anyway, There’s also Venom and Paul Di’Anno and yet another track from the Cinderella dude’s new band yada yada yada. Once through this thing was enough.
Hilarious, and not bad for two bucks. Will I play them again? Probably not.
Black Cross – Art Offensive
I also got this one at the dollar store, and actually it’s pretty awesome. It’s like old school punk, only better produced. Lots of aggression, searing guitars and a driving bottom end. Of course, like all good hardcore-sounding albums – by the end you’re sure you’ve heard the same song 12 times in a row but who the hell cares? At high enough volume, even a couple of these tracks in a row can get your blood pumping and make you indignant as hell without knowing why. Fun.
K’NAAN – Troubadour
I bought this ‘cos it was cheap, and I’d heard good things about it somewhere once, I think. Also, somehow I connected K-OS and K’NAAN in my brain. Maybe it was all the upper case letters. And if ever there was a good reason to buy a record, upper case letters is definitely it. Well, it has a duet with Kirk Hammett on it so I’d want to hear that, at any rate. And Mos Def and Damien Marley too, so why not?
And the disc? The music has great moments, with lots of world and soul influences and cool beats. The vocals, however, leave a lot to be desired. He’s got flow at times but, seriously, he only every raps on one note. Fine, but after two or three tracks it’s incredibly boring. Add to that an Eminem-sounding nasal sarcasm tone in places and it’s, well, derivative. When he hits the more melodic tracks and sings, it’s soft-pedalled and lovey-dovey. Not nearly as vocally interesting as K-OS. Should I even be comparing these two? Um, I dunno. This record has a whole lotta songs that’d make great mix-tape tracks. Don’t think I could listen to the whole thing all the way through again, though. Chacun son gout.