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Magic’s Not Getting It. At All.

As you know, we have a radio at work. It plays a lot of stuff, from the shite the nimnods like on pop radio, to actual good classics that make me happy when they come on. We also hear (right now) a lot of Halloween-themed songs. I fear Christmas.

Anyway, I wanna go back to the pop crap. Because it is, I think, sometimes the most dangerous.

Let’s take for example a song called Rude by someone calling themselves Magic. You might know it, it’s catchy, even a little reggae-infused in its pop insipidness. It’s a light, breezy affair… until you listen to the words…

Let’s go through this, shall we?

Saturday morning jumped out of bed
And put on my best suit
Got in my car and raced like a jet
All the way to you
Knocked on your door with heart in my hand
To ask you a question
‘Cause I know that you’re an old-fashioned man, yeah

Alright, so you’re going to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage. A time-honoured tradition, so sure, good for you. Go on, Magic…

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know

Wait a minute. Isn’t marriage entered into by mutually agreement? Can you HAVE her? What is she, the last slice of cake?

You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is ‘No’

Oof, tough luck indeed, friend. The Dad says no, and rather emphatically. Still, you can respect his words and hope for a better future conversation with him, right?

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway

Haha what. Wait a minute. Now he’s rude and you’re gonna go against his wishes anyway? Just because he said no to you, you little tyrant? Do you do this with everyone who says no to you? Also, are you trying to get yourself uninvited to every family function ever? Are you looking to get punched in the nose? You’re gonna marry her anyway? Why did you even ask him in the first place, then, if this is your response? No, instead it’s “let’s do an end run around Dad, that’s always a great plan. C’mon honey, let’s go!” What are you, 12? Is that why her Dad said no?

Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
Yeah, no matter what you say
Marry that girl
And we’ll be a family
Why you gotta be so
Rude

Oh, I highly doubt you’ll be a family. And calling her Dad rude is always a solid plan. But you apparently have more to say, so why don’t you keep going with this hole you’re digging for yourself…

I hate to do this, you leave no choice
Can’t live without her
Love me or hate me we will be boys
Standing at that altar
Or we will run away
To another galaxy, you know
You know she’s in love with me
She will go anywhere I go

Hooboy. Now you wanna take her to outer space to elope, too? What a lucky girl! But love you or hate you, I still doubt you’ll ever be boys, with the way you’re behaving on this fine Saturday morning…

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know
You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, ’cause the answer’s still ‘No”

Well, there ya go. You ignored his first answer, thought you’d try again and, guess what: blessing not received. Twice. Call it a day, my friend. Work on your relationship with her Dad, maybe you can talk with him some more before you press your point and call him rude again…

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway

Goddammit, Magic…

Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
No matter what you say
Marry that girl
And we’ll be a family
Why you gotta be so
Rude
Rude

Hooboy. Alright, you’re not listening, are you. Catchy pop tune aside, the dude is not giving his blessing to this galactic wedding you want so badly. You asked and he gave his answer. More than once. How is that rude? 

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know
You say, I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, but ‘No’ still means ‘No’!

There, third time’s a charm. You finally get it, don’t you Magic? Leave it for another day, maybe, when cooler heads can prevail. Attaboy, Magic. Your passion is commendable, but maybe don’t go too far with this just now…

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway
Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
No matter what you say
Marry that girl
And we’ll be a family
Why you gotta be so
Rude
Why you gotta be so
Rude
Why you gotta be so rude?

Oh fer fuck sakes. One wonders if Magic was a spoiled only child who always got his way, and when someone say no to him, this is how he responds… Man, toddlers have better manners than this, and toddlers are nature’s me-monkeys.

In Sum:

Catchy though it may be, this is a stupendously stupid song. I get it, you love the girl. That’s awesome. You say she loves you (though we have no corroborating statement from her on this matter). Her Dad quite clearly does not give his blessing to marry her (three times!), so that’s that, right? Oh ho no, you’re just gonna go do it anyway! I can see that working out really well for you and your future ‘family.’ Honest, I can. We all know that pitting your girlfriend against her Dad and making her choose between you and her Dad always works out well in the end! Savvy move, brother, better to ask forgiveness than permission! But that once again bring up the thorny question of why you asked in the first place, then? Why not just do it?

Also, more importantly: what does “that girl” have to say about any of this? Does she even want to marry you, Magic? Have you proposed already? Does she even know you’re at the front door, repeatedly insulting her Dad and baldly ignoring what he says? Or are you doing all of this without any of her input? Because I still say a marriage is two people, mutually agreeing to do this thing together, equally. All I get from this is that you’re not being very mature about this issue, and you’re trying to force him into a different answer and using childish tactics to get your way. The Dad was right to rebuff you (three times!). Seriously, Magic, I don’t think you’ve thought any of this through very well…

And this, folks, is why the radio is often so very, very dangerous. Get an earworm hook and you can spout all kinds of crazy. The scariest part is, the ladies at work were humming along to this song, but the actual lyrics weren’t really sinking in. They just liked the tune, while the message floated right on by them… GAH!

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